https://www.truetalesteam.com/

 BECK

Alright. Jackie, Ishmael, I’ve drawn up a plan to get people to listen to our show.  All we need is an elaborate series of images hidden inside of other images, which subliminally encourage people to download “True Tales of the Illuminati.”

JACKIE

Like those subliminal ads in movies that make you crave popcorn.

ISHMAEL

Isn’t this an audio drama? How are we going to get people to crave popcorn? (beat) Oh no I’m doing it.

JACKIE

Okay but WHY do we need people to listen to the show?

BECK

So that by season 4 we can sell the feed and use it to advertise overproduced true crime shows.

JACKIE

But why?

BECK

To sell mattresses online.

ISHMAEL

I don’t get it

BECK

We can’t build the mattress stores fast enough.

JACKIE

Why not?

BECK

We aren’t in charge of zoning.  Yet.

ISHMAEL

Yet.

JACKIE

Yet. So we want people to listen so we can scratch out a living on perilously thin direct-sale mattress margins.

ISHMAEL

I would like to invest-

BECK

No! It’s so that we can get them hooked on the intrigue and humor of True Tales of the Illuminati.

JACKIE

Well this is doing a terrible job of that. Usually by now we would have committed a very roundabout regicide.

ISHMAEL

Or faked the moon landing.  A couple of times.

BECK

This is just step one. We’ll get to all of that soon enough.

JACKIE

 And then, true crime city!

BECK

No this is an audio drama. Comedy.  Audio drama-comedy.  It’s not weird that it’s called that. It’s basically a tv sitcom but for your ears.

JACKIE

Like Cheers?

BECK

No. But Yes. But… no. Kind of.

ISHMAEL

I had a true crime show once with a family of sparrows. 

JACKIE

He got lost in a birdhouse. Don’t ask.

ISHMAEL

You can ask.  But it’s scary.  And compelling!

ANNOUNCER

True tales of the illuminati – a workplace sitcom about conspiracies gone wrong. Listen now on your podcatcher of choice!