Hello, Kakos Industries shareholders. My name is Conrad Miszuk, and if you believe the cover story, then I am the creator of Kakos Industries. If you don’t believe the cover story, then I am an inflatable scapegoat from the Division of Inflatable Love Dolls.

I’m putting this cover story up a little early to tell you guys about a great new opportunity over at our Patreon, kakosindustries.com/patreon. We combined the multiple division head pledge levels and the pledge level to have your name in the credits into three new categories for getting your name in the credits. Now, if you pledge at $20, you are an Esteemed Shareholder. This applies to everyone who is already pledging at that level. At $25, you will be an Honored Employee, and we will also tell the world what you did to become so honored. At $30 a month, you will become a division head, and the world will know what your division is working on. For example, the credits will now sound something like this: “Special thanks to our Esteemed Shareholders (list of Esteemed Shareholders), our Honored Employees (Name), who (did action), (Name), who (did this other thing), and (Name), who (did this other thing still), and (your name) the head of the Division of (something). They’re currently working on a project that will (do something). ” We’ll work with you to come up with something creative that you love. So far, these new pledge levels have been really popular, and I would not be doing my job if I didn’t tell you all about them. Those of you who pledge before April 1st (that’s just a few days away at the time of recording) will be in the first episode with these credits. That episode goes up on May 1st. So if you’re on the fence and looking for a cool way to support creative content that you love, this is a great opportunity. Head over to Kakosindustries.com/patreon to pledge.

Also, we’re really close to the next #fanfucktion goal. One more pledge at the Division Head level and we should be able to make a new video out of your nasty-ass Kakos Industries fanfiction. There’s still time to submit your works, so head to Kakosindustries.com/fanfucktion for the details there. That’s f-a-n-f-u-c-k-t-i-o-n.

As always, you are the most delightfully Evil, Nefarious, and ill-intentioned people on planet Earth. Thank you for listening, and thank you for the support.