in which Corin gets interviewed, we hear about Evil Con, and Golfish Onatabble “wins” the Ruin-A-Life Drawing. Do Evil Better.

Ryan: What you are about to hear is going to take a while to scrub off in the shower.

CORIN: Hello everyone and welcome to yet another Kakos Industries shareholder orientation held right here at Evil Con. Evil Con, if you’re not aware, is a convention created to celebrate all things Evil. Or at least most things Evil. The things we consider Evil. Maybe not the things that everyone considered Evil. Evil is a nuanced thing, as you know. If you don’t know that then you do now. My name is Corin Deeth III and I am CEO of Kakos Industries, so it is my special honor and obligation to welcome all of you new and old shareholders into the fold.

If you weren’t aware, you are Evil. I’m sorry if this is how you found out. You may have some questions about what that means, and as much as I would like to keep you in that place of anxiety and confusion, as much as I would like to let you keep bargaining with the voices in your head about what specifically that Evil means for you, I will attempt to answer some of those questions right now so we can move on.

Question number one. What is Evil? This question is most easily answered with a bit of a thought experiment. I want you to close your eyes for a moment. I want you to take a few deep breaths. I want you to listen to the feelings inside of you. Listen closely. Try to put all of your other thoughts aside and just focus on those thoughts deep within you. Do you hear that soft whine in the background? That little nagging voice that won’t seem to go away? It’s like a whistle, just there at the edge of hearing? That’s Evil. You found it. Also if you felt anything sensuous in that quiet moment, that’s Evil also. Sexuality is Evil. You might object to that characterization, but I have to remind you that the good didn’t want sexuality. They fought it for millenia. They gave it up fair and square. It’s ours now. They can’t have it back now just because they changed their minds, okay?

Question number two. What does it mean that I’m Evil. Honestly, probably not a lot. You were Evil before you entered this room tonight. You were already doing Evil in your own way. The knowledge that you’re Evil doesn’t have to change much. It will, but it doesn’t have to. You could keep living like you were before. You could put it out of your mind. You could set it aside. Forget about it. You’ll still be Evil, and you’ll still be doing Evil, whether you are conscious of the fact or not. But for many of you, the knowledge will change things if only by recontextualizing them. You might wonder why it feels so nice to hate on things. It’s the Evil. You might wonder why, in your moments of passion with someone you deeply care about, it feels like you’re evening the score with something intangible. It’s the Evil. You might wonder why it’s so fun to walk around all day staring at celebrities like they’re in some kind of autograph zoo. It’s the Evil. You might wonder why you like the flavor of a chocolate donut so much. We actually didn’t have anything to do with that. It’s not Evil as far as we have been able to discover so far, but please rest assured that we are working on it.

Question number three: Alright, if I’m Evil, then how can I be really great at doing Evil? Excellent question. We love it when people aspire for greatness in all that they do, and we at Kakos Industries will be happy to help you to Do Evil Better. It’s our slogan afterall. Please continue to listen and pay attention, and you will learn what you need to know about doing Evil better.

Before we move on, though, we do have one little awkward matter of procedure, which is that I need all of you to recite the Kakos Industries pledge. It’s very simple. Should be painless. Just repeat after me.

I pledge to Do Evil.

I pledge to love Evil.

I pledge to love Evil for the rest of my days.

I pledge to love Evil thoroughly.

I pledge to be the best lover Evil has ever had.

I would do anything for Evil.

I would kiss the concept of Evil on the butt, AKA osculum infame.

I would spread those sweet, delicious, firm, sensuous, evil cheeks, and give the concept of Evil a kiss right in the middle.

I like Evil a lot.

Hell yeah, brother.

Excellent. I am glad we have that little bit of procedural housekeeping out of the way and we can move on to more important matters. This, uh, really sets the tone for how the night is going to go.

Now, shareholders, and I can call all of you in this room that, you must know that I am a busy man and there are many requirements on my time, many of them simultaneous, and many of those are strict contractual obligations, and no, none of that was innuendo. This means that this shareholder orientation is double booked with the Kakos Industries shareholder announcements. Yes, alongside all of you in the room right now, there are many at home, or in a car, or on public transit, who are listening to me right now. These are their monthly shareholder announcements that tell them about all of the vital updates in the world of Evil, and more specifically here at Kakos Industries. Why we have to cram both of these things into a single time slot is beyond me, but I have learned not to question, because asking questions will only make me more tired. Instead, we’ll just get on with the work.

Today’s broadcast, if you are hearing it as a broadcast, is coming to you from what I am told is a fun helmet. Like a helmet you put on your head. I guess there are speakers inside that are carrying these words to you, shareholders at home. I don’t know what makes a helmet fun, but who am I to argue with the marketing copy? Those of you listening to me in person right now, feel lucky that you don’t have to wear a fun helmet for the duration of this broadcast. I guess unless it’s a part of your costume. I am told that this helmet comes to us from a collaboration between our Division of Skull Enhancement, and our partner Feinler Brain Prophylactics. They protect your brain. I am told that these helmets, in addition to having passable audio quality, are also capable of keeping your concerning thoughts at bay for at least the duration of these announcements. Oh, it does explain why it’s a cool helmet here on the spec sheet. I got ahead of myself. It says that the helmet has a racing stripe. That’s pretty neat, I do have to agree. Now I do need to emphasize for those of you listening at home that this helmet, and these announcements are only for Kakos Industries shareholders. If you aren’t a shareholder, you need to stop listening now. I better not see anyone in the room get up. You’re already Evil. I told you. You can’t leave. Unless you need to pee or something. But you better come back. If you aren’t a Kakos Industries shareholder and you’re hearing these messages, again not you here in person, then that helmet has a pretty strong chance of exploding. You have no idea how hard it was to convince Feinler Brain Prophylactics to install bombs in their helmets. They claimed that it went against their ethos. They said that they would install bombs in SOME of the helmets. So there is a chance that your helmet won’t explode under any circumstances. But I wouldn’t risk it. Take that helmet off if you’re not a shareholder. If you are a shareholder, then you’ve probably blown up before. It’s not the worst thing.

If you’ve never heard of Kakos Industries before, then one thing you should know about us is that we help you to Do Evil Better. If you’re going to only know two things about us, then you should know that we also like to party. We have large celebrations all of the time. Just recently we had the Festival of Mud, which is what happened when we combined our Water and Earth festivals. We got mud. Usually we celebrate this by making various consistencies of mud and then rolling our naked bodies in them to see which ones make us feel the most Evil, or failing that, the dirtiest. This year, we had a variety of muds, including a variety of viscosities and chunkiness factors, but the favorite mud of most attendees had to be the nacho cheese. I am told that nacho cheese technically counts as mud for some reason. They told me the reason. I forgot.

Coming up soon, we have the Festival of Innovation, which is a festival where we celebrate what’s new in technology. I’m just kidding. That’s what the festival should be. Instead, it’s usually a big robot fight. I’m just kidding again. The robots are fucking. Every year. We don’t know why. The scientists seem to have something to work out, I guess, and the only solution is giant robots doing it. We are looking forward to the submission from Giant Ass Robots to Kick in Your Face, a favorite partner of ours, because they told us they made a robot with six asses. That’s a lot of ass. I think we can all agree.

Now, when I mentioned earlier that I was double booked during this time slot, I wasn’t telling you the whole story. That’s because I’m actually triple booked. You see, for whatever reason, the powers that be have decided that it would help the optics for Kakos Industries if I would allow myself to be interviewed by some groups here at the convention. That is to say, they want me to appear on some podcasts. If it’s alright with you, shareholders, we’ll get that started right now. Hopefully I can just get these out of the way. It says here we’re talking to Kelly Dennison.

KELLY: Thank you for joining us, Corin.

CORIN: Are we starting already?

KELLY: Welcome back listeners to Murder She Like, the only True Crime Podcast where we just love murder.

CORIN: The only one?

KELLY: Today we have the opportunity to talk with the man, the myth, the legend, Corin Deeth III, CEO of Kakos Industries.

CORIN: Hi.

KELLY: Now, Corin, I know that you do Evil every day, but I am excited to try to tell you about something you don’t know.

CORIN: Unfortunately, I know a lot about murder.

KELLY: Don’t sound so sad, Corin. Murder is the best. I’ve saved up some scary, horrifying murders for just this occasion because I want to get a rise out of you, Corin Deeth III. If it’s nasty enough to get a rise out of you, then it must be a premium murder.

CORIN: Okay, I guess.

KELLY: Let’s start with the deliciosly gruesome murder of Wendy Johnson.

CORIN: The Wendy Johnson who was eaten by the Division of Cannibalism or the Wendy Johnson who was killed by the Division of Robots’ nannybot that for some reason they put a kill function into?

KELLY: Okay, so you’ve heard about that one. Okay, That’s less fun. This next one is going to knock your socks off, though. Felicia Parker.

CORIN: I don’t know if you can call being squished by sentient room murder. The room didn’t know what it was doing.

KELLY: I did so much research on that one.

CORIN: So did we. It’s called a post mortem.

KELLY: Don’t you start telling jokes on my show. Alright, Mr. Smug, this next one will definitely get you spooked. Virginia Wells.

CORIN: Not a murder.

KELLY: Oh, yes it was.

CORIN: She fell into the shredder in the Division of Evisceration.

KELLY: That’s just what they wanted you to think.

CORIN: There’s security footage. I’m actually a little concerned that you thought I would know so little about the people who died at my company.

KELLY: She was pushed.

CORIN: How?

KELLY: The Division of Pressure’s new Remote Pusher.

CORIN: Wait, hold on. No, it could work. The investigators missed it.That is unsettling.

KELLY: Did I spook you, Corin?

CORIN: Maybe they wanted to miss it. Could they be in on it?

KELLY: Ooh, Murder She Like.

CORIN: We’ll look into it.

KELLY: Corin Deeth III, everybody!

Okay, shareholders, that was a bit strange. Usually our investigators are exceptionally thorough. I get reports all the time giving me more details than I would ever want to know about such things. The murders tend to be particularly memorable. Okay, it looks like we have another podcast interview ready to go.

DAN: Hey, there, listeners, we’re back with Problematic Opinions. I’m your host Dan Opinion. We’re here with Corin Deeth III.

CORIN: Okay, here we are.

DAN: So, Corin, what’s your most problematic opinion?

CORIN: Why?

DAN: You know… no one’s ever asked me why before. Why? Huh.

CORIN: What?

DAN: Also a great question. You know, Corin, I’m not sure I know the answer myself. I’m not sure I know what or why. I’m just here, you know? I’m doing what I can. I’m on here talking to bros, and dudes, and guys and we talk about all kinds of opinions we have. You know, we have a lot of strong opinions about people, and politics, and chicks.

CORIN: What is happening?

DAN: I really wish I knew, Corin. I really wish I knew why any of this was the way it is. I really wish I knew what made me this way, what made any of us this way.

CORIN: What are you talking about?

DAN: I think it probably goes back to my dad, Corin. He always withheld his love, you know. Said it would make me too soft. I hated that, the idea of being too soft, you know? Like I really just wanted to be this manly, manly man. Like I learned to fight. Did I want to fight? No one asked me why, or what, or what’s happening back then. They just let me do it, Corin. They just let me go down this path of terrible darkness. There’s all this pain, but I just bury it down. I let it out on people I think are weak, Corin. It’s the only safe way for me to ever let it out, you know? I guess I just thought that maybe, just maybe, if I could dominate the whole damn world, then maybe I’d feel safe in here. Listeners, I’m pointing to my heart. That’s where I want to feel safe, you know?

CORIN: Um…

DAN: No, don’t speak. We don’t need words. I just need you to hold me, Corin.

CORIN: No.

DAN: Oh, why is that, Corin? Are you afraid to show affection? Are you locked inside yourself, too? Maybe we could bro out about it.

CORIN: I don’t want to do that.

DAN: Fine. Fine. Stay in your shell, Corin. I’ve learned a lot today, and I think you should have, too. Maybe you weren’t listening. Maybe you weren’t paying attention. The bus to enlightenment just closed its doors. On to the next stop. Goodbye, Corin. I’ll be here when you’re ready to admit you feel something.

How do they always find me? They always find me. Okay, collect myself. Here’s another podcast interview.

PATTY: Hello, adventurers and welcome once again to Party in the Back, an actual play podcast. I’m your host and game master, Patty Dublé. I’m joined today by Corin Deeth III, CEO of Kakos Industries. Corin, today I have prepared a special one shot adventure for us to play. Are you ready?

CORIN: The faster we get this over with, the better.

PATTY: That’s the attitude. Okay, Corin, you will be playing the part of Corinius, the beautiful Unicorn Centaur.

CORIN: Is that a playable race?

PATTY: It’s a homebrew. I’ll be playing the role of Mimria, the precocious halfling.

CORIN: Okay, what are we doing? Are we starting in a tavern?

PATTY: I roll to seduce.

CORIN: Oh why. Can’t we just play the game.

PATTY: It’s a natural 20, Corin. A natural 20 always succeeds.

CORIN: I don’t want to play anymore.

PATTY: Corin, you have to get into the role, okay? I rolled to seduce. You need to roleplay.

CORIN: I’m a little concerned about the mechanics here.

PATTY: Get your mind out of the gutter, Corin. We’re talking about romance here. We can take it slow.

CORIN: Why can’t we just slay an ogre or something? It might be fun to go on a quest.

PATTY: You are far too seduced for that right now. The dice don’t lie.

CORIN: Okay, what am I doing, Patty?

PATTY: (squeaky) I’m Mimria! Do you want to seduce me back?

CORIN: If it will end this, okay. A natural 20 again.

PATTY: I am thoroughly seduced. We are in it now! We both run off to a clearing where we can be alone together.

CORIN: What are we going to do there? You said this was going to be romantic. We’re going to take it slow.

PATTY: Roll for insertion.

CORIN: Oh no.

PATTY: You have to roll for insertion.

CORIN: Oh no.

PATTY: Roll. It’s in the hands of fate now.

CORIN: A natural 20.

PATTY: You fucking killed me.

CORIN: What?

PATTY: With your unicorn business. You tore this poor halfling right in half. You fucking killed me.

CORIN: I didn’t know that could happen. All I did was roll a die.

PATTY: Corinius, the centaur, will be forever traumatized by this moment where passion turned so dark. He killed his lover. With his business.

CORIN: Are we done?

PATTY: I can’t believe you would kill me like that. A curse on you and your entire family. Goodbye.

This die only has twenties on it. I just noticed. I’d like to wipe that from my memory as soon as possible. Looks like we have one more interview here.

DEVO: Hello, Corin. My name is Devo. Devo Pterra.

CORIN: Hi. I understand that this is supposed to be some kind of audio drama podcast?

DEVO: Well, the podcast hasn’t started yet, but I would like to have you read from a script I’ve been working on. It would really be just a guest role.

CORIN: Okay, let’s see what it says here. Hello, Spookytown residents. I am your humble radio station host. Residents, there is something both terrifying and not terrifying happening, something that is both uncomfortable and cozy. You know, Devo, I think this one has been done before.

DEVO: Okay, not to worry, I have another script right here.

CORIN: Space. How were we to know it would be so dark out here? How were we supposed to know that, turning end over end in the inky blackness of it all, we would be able to outrun everything except ourselves and our emotions. I’m in outer space, and I’m having feelings. Yeah, Devo, I think this has been done, too.

DEVO: Sure, sure, sure. I’ve got more scripts. Try this one on for size.

CORIN: It just says War of the Worlds plus Numbers Stations.

DEVO: Oh, sorry, that one is a little undercooked. Last one, I promise. I know it’s a winner.

CORIN: Hello and welcome to the Kakos Industries corporate shareholder announcements… wow, I just got the weirdest headache. Can we be done?

DEVO: I’ll have my people reach out with some more ideas.

CORIN: Sure. Weird.

I’m not sure what happened there, shareholders. It was like my brain started hurting. Let’s move on.

We haven’t yet talked about what the convention looks like for those of you who are not here enjoying it. I’ll go over a couple of highlights. The Division of Erotic Experiences has been showing off a prototype of the Satisficer, a sex toy that claims to be able to satisfy every kind of anatomy, and every kind of sexual wish. For most people, putting the device on, or putting any part of yourself inside of it in the middle of a busy convention floor is a daunting, perhaps even undesirable action. Others have been lining up for hours to have a go, and I can tell you that only around 13 of them have been maimed by the device. They are still working out the kinks. That’s not a double meaning. If anything they’re adding more of the other kind of kinks by the day.

Once upon a time, we at Kakos Industries thought it would be neat to see if the real biblical Hell was really down there, deep under the Earth’s surface. Turns out no. Just more and more rocks and dirt. Eventually molten rocks. Anyway, not wanting to waste a big hole in the ground, we created our Hell labor camp. We put people down there and we treat them badly so that we can fulfill the unmet fantasy that a biblical Hell would have provided. The Hell Labor Camp has been mining these strange glowing rocks, and apparently, Meredith Gorgoro, the overseer in the Hell labor camp, put her team of forced laborers to work on carving these glowing stones into a variety of pop culture icons for you to purchase. There’s like collectable monsters and flying martial arts dudes, and anime babes. I will say that we are still unsure what makes the rocks glow, and we are unsure what the lasting effects of being around the glowing rocks are, but they are available for sale all the same.

The Division of Kaiju Battle Reenactment had a panel earlier today where they reenacted the fight between Fuji-Ra and MonMonSterSter, which was a real, historical battle between two enormous monsters. The most notable thing about this fight, at least the real one, was the amount of the fight that took place on the beaches and in the water. They recreated the water for this recreation using painted cardboard. The monsters, of course, if I am to break kayfabe, are people in costumes, but the costumes are always fun, and the showmanship certainly makes up for any shortcomings.

The Division of Figuring Out What All of These Keys Go to set up a booth with some of their most concerning locks that they haven’t been able to unlock. It would appear that they are hoping to crowd source some solutions by bringing these locks in for everyone to look at. There was no shortage of people offering to pick the locks or break them open, but that is simply not the point. This division of Kakos Industries has a lot of keys and they need to figure out what they go to. It’s about the journey, not the destination. That being said, some of the locks were interesting choices to bring to a public event like this. The dead body in the chastity belt, for example. Could have left that one at home. In the cooler. The cage with the ravenous, unknown creature in it. Do we even actually want to unlock that one? I don’t. Not here, anyway. I guess they are eye-catching, and the more mystery they can cultivate, the more members they can bring on board.

It’s time once again for another Employee Spotlight. The employee we are spotlighting today is Courteney Flibbernarsters. I am told that Courteney Flobbernarsters works in the archives, where they have successfully separated the canonical appearances of comic book characters from the non-canonical appearances, and they have done this using only the most defensible logic, and no one will ever complain. Thank you for all that you do, Courtney Fibbernarsters.

They say that Evil once did an autograph signing, and literally everyone showed up. Everyone. The line went on for miles. This is Things We’re Taking Credit for Now. Today, we’re taking credit for scalding hot coffee, food that’s cold in the middle, and the sun’s radiation. Of course, we can’t know for sure that we did these things, but they are Evil, and we’re Evil, and we’re just connecting the dots, you know?

New shareholders, we have a contest of sorts we hold before every broadcast here at Kakos Industries called the Ruin-A-Life Drawing. It’s pretty self explanatory. Golfish Onatabble has won today’s Ruin-A-Life Drawing. For that reason, the life of the nemesis of Golfish Onatabble will be ruined. That nemesis is Chad Gordon. We gave the Wheel of Misery a thorough spin and it landed on the position for Generic. From this day forward, Chad Gordon will be 30% more generic. With a name like Chad Gordon, that’s going to be hard to do, but the Damnation and Ruination Squad are up for the challenge, I have no doubts. For Evil measure, Golfish Onatabble will be 18% less generic, and that means more expensive taste, so maybe not a complete benefit there. Congratulations on the win and best of luck.

Speaking of the Damnation and Ruination Squad, that group of chaotic individuals who are charged with making the declarations of the Wheel of Misery come true, I have an update on what they’re wearing. I cannot for the life of me remember why they ran afoul of the Wheel of Misery, but it’s been giving them stranger and stranger clothing requirements. RIght now, they are walking around the convention center wearing Axolotl Onesies. To be honest, they usually wear things that are grosser and often less covering, so this is probably the best possible situation for a convention scenario.

This brings us to the end of this broadcast, shareholders, and likewise the New Shareholder Orientation. As I mentioned before, the fun helmets you’re wearing are armed to explode, or at least some of them are, so I would not recommend destroying the helmet yourself. Leave it outside your door and The Division of Radio Transmission will collect and dispose of them properly. Or, you could roll the dice. Keep it and see if it explodes. You’ve got nothing to lose and a great helmet to gain. The numbers are next.

1

1

2

1

4

1

5

6

68

70

1

4

4

4

RYAN: Kakos Industries is written and produced by Conrad Miszuk, who is also the voice of Corin Deeth, and the composer of the music. The introductions and credits are read by Ryan Jenkins, the only thing keeping you going in this terrible world.

Special Guest appearances are Ryan L. Jenkins, as Patti Dublais. Briggs Kennedy as Kelly Dennison, Matt Braman as Dan Opinion, and Evo Terra as Devo Patera.

Please visit KakosIndustries.com for news, extras, and more episodes. There are also transcriptions on the website if you’d like to read along with the Kakos Industries announcements. That’s K-A-K-O-S-I-N-D-U-S-T-R-I-E-S dot com. Please visit store.KakosIndustries.com for merchandise and special offers and get wonderful benefits by becoming a subscription donor at kakosindustries.com/patreon. You can submit one time donations at paypal.me/kakosindustries. You can also purchase gear and other items for the production at kakosindustries.com/wishlist. Join our community at kakosindustries.com/discord. Questions, comments, or a strong desire to collaborate? Drop us a line at inquiries@kakosindustries.com. If you like Kakos Industries, be sure to rate and review us on your favorite podcasting service, and connect with us on YouTube (YouTube.com/KakosIndustries), Facebook (facebook.com/kakosindustries), Tumblr (kakosindustries.tumblr.com), Instagram (@kakosindustries), tik tok @Kakosindustries. We encourage fan art and listener participation on all our social media platforms.

Special thanks to our esteemed shareholder Jack Tooley. Also thanks to honored employee Calico, who inflated the beach ball for everyone. The Division of Beanies, Booties, and Construction Projects That Are Probably Too Large for Yarn, directed by Theo Cornet, has started to knit begonias and marigolds for their gardens. The Division of Obscure Vintage Technology, directed by Craig Czyz, has purchased an antique butter churn that also gets you off, making it Evil. The Division of Subtle Efficiency Increases, directed by Danniel R Smith, has started using electrical impulses to keep employees bodies moving at all times. The Division of Kakos Kafeteria Reviews, directed by Seth and Josh, has reviewed Food in a Jar. “It’s a wide variety of foods, all served in jars. 5.9/7”. The Division of Improbable Cookbooks, directed by Hayden Neff, has been working on “Food That Can Kill You”. It’s a bunch of recipes where you have to be really careful. The Division of More Monday Mondays, directed by Odie, has made Mondays that much more Monday by by making all of the clocks run a bit slower, adding fifteen minutes to the day. The Division of Villainous Introspection, directed by Sarah, is now considering what sounds make them feel the most Evil.Infrasound has just edged out high pitched squeals. The Division of New Card Game Mechanics, led by Finn, has developed a card that has a spinner on it. It doesn’t do anything in the game, but it helps to fight boredom. The Division of Animal Stacking, directed by The One True Dave, has stacked six giraffes. They are not taking any questions. The Division of In-Office Fan Fiction, directed by Kristina Kirkland, has started to write a hot new fic about Jeremy from The Division of Smoldering and his reflection, Shmeremy. The Division of Cereals, directed by Emily Reynolds has introduced Wood Nuggets. They’re a little tough to difest. The Division of Lesser Known Napping Locations, Directed by Sass Master J, has recently taken a light snooze in the closet behind lab 53-7. Which apparently maintains an ambient temperature that is just right. Our esteemed shareholders, honored employees, division heads, and other Patreon patrons are the best. If you want a thank you in the credits, your own division, or other great rewards that help to keep this show running, please head to Kakosindustries.com/patreon. That’s Patreon: p-a-t-r-e-o-n.

RYAN: Kakos industries can be dark, try learning to beatbox. It might be fun.

CONRAD: That’s it.

CROWD: Applause

CONRAD: let’s see how much time do we have left like 15 minutes

EVO: Vamp

BRIGGS: well I do I do want to say so when I start first started listening to Kakos it was part of my literal office job to figure out what the fuck all the keys went to. Like I had boxes and boxes of keys, one had a label that said “key to the panopticon”. this was a normal office building in Phoenix, like there’s no panopticon on this thing it was so much. I was listening to all these, like keys, it was like a key Arc or more like there was like Lake. I think they unlocked the lake or something, but I’m like looking through my physical at my real job. I actually did a label where I kept all the keys “the division of where all the keys go to” like in my office. That was fun.

CONRAD: There are certain divisions that I I think it’s it’s not the most common for me to get feedback but there are some divisions uh that people are like you have to keep telling me what’s happening with this Division and that’s one of the ones that uh like it’s it’s in just about every episode uh because because people need to know where those keys go.

BRIGGS: Yeah yeah can the keys unlock what is most sex? And the two arcs converge

CONRAD: possibly, possibly

MATT: my first encounter with Kakos was uh looking it up the wrong way I-I-I stumbled on the uh YouTube playlist of all the music the like score the evil sounding score

BRIGGS: oh yeah

MATT: So the first 10 episodes of Kakos Industries that I listened to were my terrifying inner monologue with Conrad’s ominous scores underneath. It was awesome.

CONRAD: I mean that’s that’s probably a truer rendition of the podcast than what we just did I think uh

MATT: Pretty Evil

CONRAD: if it’s if it’s your intrusive thoughts I mean yeah that’s that’s the podcast I mean that’s uh that’s basically what we’re doing here

BRIGGS: that needs to be the newest upload it’s like uh music for worker study or intrusive thought, you know, spiraling

CONRAD: it’s just uh whatever you think about that was the podcast. you’re the guest this time. Or at least your anxiety is.

BRIGGS: oh no

CONRAD: uh let’s see uh Evo did you have any questions are you uh would you like to hear your voice again

EVO: no that that voice hurts my voice to do so no, but I do like the idea of the War of the Worlds in a number station. I think there’s something there.

RYAN: that’s funny

EVO: there’s really an opportunity

CONRAD: I uh someone just sent me a screen grab. It was, well cuz I-I don’t do as much social media, but they sent me a screen grab of uh it just said “okay Audio Drama podcasters, we get it you’ve heard of number stations” and I was personally offended.

EVO: at the end of every episode yeah yeah

BRIGGS: so you just take all these ideas and just make them horny and that’s how you make them new

CONRAD: take all the ideas and just make them horny, is that what you said?

BRIGGS: like numbers stations, but horny

CONRAD: I mean, that’s also Kakos Industries

BRIGGS?: 69 69

RYAN: 69 over over

BRIGGS: 88 69 74

MATT: I will later be auctioning off my drawing of a six assed robot a corineous

CONRAD: with 12 legs

RYAN: Do they go all the way around?

MATT: A corin-n-n-n-neous

OVERLAPPING CHATTER

CONRAD: where’s the where’s the where’s the business? you omitted the business

FEMALE VOICE: just it’s like a steam powered Robot

CONRAD: Man slaughtering business

MATT: I could only draw one business today and it’s on Dan’s don’t Fuck on me flag where instead of a snake it’s a penis. Also for sale

CROWD MEMBER?: Look you had me at division of cereals and I just – I need some how many different flavors of wood nuggets are there?

RYAN: Why is wood nuggets so funny

CONRAD: well there’s you got frosted wood nuggets

RYAN: oh that’s worse

CONRAD: Frosted Mini wood nuggets

RYAN: Uh oh no

CONRAD: Frosted Mini wood nuggets

BRIGGS: chocolate frosted wood nuggets. wood nuggets with the marshmallows?

CONRAD: uh yeah probably some some like wood cellulos marshmallows

DAN: now if you want a Savory snack you mix wood nuggets with pretzels and you know a few other things. make nuggets mix it’s good for camping

CONRAD: Oops all nuggets

CROWD MEMBER: how many of you read the scripts before you acted them

RYAN: I did

MATT: I uh rehearsed mine with an Uber driver on the way over here

RYAN: oh nice good yeah

MATT: Her daughter’s in musical theater so it was probably the best __ I’ve ever had

RYAN: Oh Conrad, we should do a musical, do musical episode

On a performance

CONRAD: camera shut off

Most professional

CONRAD I definitely I don’t see a red light all should have plugged it in its fine

I literally read mine while I was up here ahead of time figuring out all right what am I going to do with this guy

CONRAD: didn’t even know your character name

what is going to happen here

CONRAD: I sent everyone the script uh two days ago. They had time.

well until I had gotten the Uber I thought I was Corin so. Threw me off, but that’s okay there’s no such thing as small parts just small actors

RYAN: I I I read through it um on the uh Light Rail ride over here this morning

CONRAD: I warned you

RYAN: oh I and then I loved it um I I am a D and D player um so it was very nice that’s the most natural 20s I’ve got in a game ever

CONRAD: on a D6 no less

it’s amazing

that’s skill

CONRAD: I was I was looking for my actual dice uh I do not know where they are so

RYAN: I wish I had looked at it time I would have brought mine