In which we get most of the answers we wanted, sort of, Corin keeps making new festivals, and Your Pet “wins” The Ruin-A-Life Drawing. Do Evil Better.

Kakos Industries is ad free. To help keep it that way, consider heading to Kakos Industries.com/patreon and pledging a dollar or more a month.

Ryan: What you are about to hear is audio gravy.

Corin: Hello and welcome to the Kakos Industries corporate shareholder announcements. At Kakos Industries, we help our clients to Do Evil Better. My name is Corin Deeth III and I am CEO. For reasons that are obscure and arcane, I am required to do these announcements to keep you, the Kakos Industries shareholders, up to date on the goings on within our Evil company. Last time, we had a number of interesting tapes from someone called Corin Deeth the One and a Halfth, who claimed to be my grandfather’s brother. There were a lot of things that didn’t make sense, and my team and I have been working on uncovering the truth about this person. I believe that we may have discovered the information we were looking for, though the story is a bit long, so we’ll have to make sure we leave room in these announcements. 

Today’s broadcast is coming to you from a calculator watch. Note that I said calculator watch and not watch radio. Those do exist, but this is not one of those. I am told that this calculator wristwatch radio is called the Calcutrice, and was developed as a collaboration between our Division of Top Tech, and Henry’s Doo-Dads. I am also told that this collaboration took place forty years ago, and we have had just way too many of these wristwatches taking up space in one of our storage rooms. They were supposed to help our shareholders and others to do calculated Evil throughout the day, but something about the project didn’t work, and so we have had a lot of them. I understand they were in the way of something, so they had to go. The Division of Radio Transmision’s motto is pretty much “Oh yeah, we’ll put a radio in there,” so they made lemonade out of these lemons. I have the datasheet in front of me that is supposed to tell me the sound quality, but it is written in a language I have never seen before using a character set I have never set eyes on either. I don’t even recognize any numbers to hazard a guess at the frequency response. All the same, these announcements are strictly for Kakos Industries Shareholders, and if you’re not one, then you should really give that watch back to the shareholder. Sure, you did a robbery, and that does make you Evil, but we’ll get to you in due time. Give the watch back. Oh, there is some English on the data sheet. It says bone conductance. From the wrist. How about that. 

Like I mentioned earlier, we have a lot to get through today, so we’ll move somewhat quickly with the festival recap. We had The Festivals of Somnambulation and Fertility. The Festival of Somnambulation took the form of one of those quiet raves. Everyone had their own headset. We are unsure if you could actually hear what was playing, though your bodies certainly were dancing. The Festival of Fertility apparently took the blue theme we discussed last time and made it the theme for the entire event. The fleshy, humanoid husks we use to deliver the necessary genetic material were colored blue this year. I am told that when the feasting began for those precious prenatal nutrients, these humanoid husks also “tasted blue” whatever that means. We look forward to the Evil, blue babies.

The Festival of Barbecue was delicious. Well done, everyone. And thank you Division of Dionysia for humoring me. 

Coming up, we have the Festival of Books, and Halloween. Halloween, of course, will be amazing. The Festival of books will also be great, but perhaps not in quite the same way. I am told we will be bringing another special book out of the archives for a single day’s viewing. I am also told that if you viewed the book from last year and survived, then you will not be able to view this book. The combined knowledge will make you too dangerous, and you simply do not have the training for it. If you want the training for it, then please try out our Deep Knowledge program, but I will warn you, you will never be the same again, and not necessarily in the best of ways. You also might die. This year we will be showing off the book simply called “In”. The book is reported to be heartfelt, far too real, and so intensely erotic that it has left some people unable to move their sex related muscles ever again after reading it. Please be careful, shareholders. 

And because I am now aware that any festival I claim is happening has to happen, let’s try out the Festival of Pretending to Read Books. It’s happening. Make it so. 

It is now time for that segment where we answer some of your questions that we have deemed safe to answer. Question One:  What happened to the Division of Influence? Right. Shareholders, you may remember last time that the DIvision of Influence was giving us tremendously hot readings and that by the end of the announcements the problem went away. And, okay, by “went away”, I do mean that the entire division disappeared. We sent a team to investigate, and the division’s offices were truly gone. Where they were there was simply bare concrete on the floor, and pitch black walls and ceilings. We don’t know what happened. What I can tell you is that we did install new carpeting and clean up the walls and ceilings and hiring has been going well for the new Division of Influence. Perhaps this was a refresh they needed. 

Question two related to the Man with the Long Long Hat again. “What does he want? And why is he everywhere?” I asked some of my staff about this to see if they have any information on what this could possibly be referring to. One staff member made kind of a pained expression and gave my shoulder a squeeze before lying down on the floor and engaging in some deep breathing exercises. Cool. 

If you or a loved one claims to be seeing these announcements, or would like to understand why I keep bringing this up, please head to kakosindustries.com/see to help us get to the bottom of this mystery. 

Progress in researching the donut has been moving slowly. One researcher shaved off some dust from the donut and snorted it. This is not how we usually do science, by the way. Okay, that might be a lie. It’s not how we’re supposed to do science, but it keeps happening this way for whatever reason. Anyway, we are hoping that researcher awakens from their coma soon. 

Alright, well, I think I’ve probably waited long enough. The tape is somewhat long, shareholders, but I think it bears listening to the whole thing. Soundman, if you would do the honors.

CD 1.5: Hello, this message is for, uh, Corin Deeth III. I hear that you’ve been looking for me. I suppose this is about all of those tapes that I recorded. Well, Corin, you deserve some answers, I suppose. My name is Stu. I’d rather not say my last name if that’s alright with you. Your people know how to get in touch with me, but I think I’d rather you wouldn’t. I’ll try to explain things as well as I can so hopefully that won’t be necessary. 

I said my name was Stu, but I’ve gone by a lot of different names in my life. In the seventies, I was kind of a party guy. People knew me, they knew what they could get from me, if you catch my drift. I was known all over. I lived in Southern California for a bit and I was part of the scene there at the time. We’d party pretty much every night. I spent some time in the Village in New York. I was in New Orleans. Even in Tucson [too-sawn] for a bit. Everywhere I went, they knew me for partying. Well, I was into a hell of a lot more than that. 

You see, Corin. I was lost. I was aimless. I was looking for anything to make sense of this world, and I think we all know that it just don’t ever make sense. I was into drugs. I knew the people who had the drugs and I helped those people to get the drugs where they needed to go. I bought, I sold, I made connections, I arranged meetings, you name it. But the thing about drugs is that sometimes a little bit isn’t enough, and well, the same is true of crime. Dealing wasn’t enough fun after a while. Walking into a party and having people scream about Bernie, or Stu, or Timbo, or whatever I told them my name was got old. Even all of the obscene sex acts people would offer me just to be closer to me and my stash and my connections wasn’t enough. Sure it was fun, but you have to remember, Corin, that I was really, really lost. I had no idea who I was. I wanted to find anything. Any hint. And crimes just seemed like a way to figure out in a hurry, and if not, then the money would help to pay for whatever I needed to figure that out. Maybe it was gurus. Maybe it was yoga. Maybe it was the Reverend Schmurz. Maybe it was a cult filled with blonde girls I wasn’t allowed to touch. Maybe it was a tour bus filled with musicians and groupies. And those things cost money. I had money from the dealing, as I mentioned, but the dealing was getting to be really boring. That’s when I started doing the robberies. Corin, when I tell you there’s no thrill like doing an armed robbery, I mean it. There’s nothing quite like it. There’s the tellers and the customers who don’t know what you’re going to do, but of course, you also don’t know what you’re going to do and there’s just this feeling you get low down in your abdomen. It’s a thrill. We would rob bigger and bigger places because we thought it was cool. The drugs paid for the guns, and the guns paid for everything else. Some of the guys I worked with, they really needed the money, you know. They really needed to get out of trouble with the mob, or some other gang, and they didn’t have any choice. But not me, Corin. I was just lost. And I was trying to find myself in a pile of nose sweetener and behind a double-barrelled shotgun. Not at the same time. At least not at first. 

Then I started taking on jobs for the mob. Oh boy was that ever a mistake. I told them I never killed on purpose, you know? I told them I wasn’t a hit man. I wasn’t into wet work. I would rob, sure. Any target you wanted. If people put up the wrong kind of fight, well, who knows what could happen. But if they behaved themselves then we all got what we wanted. I got my thrills. They got to keep on living. Of course the people they were delivering to weren’t getting what they wanted because I had stolen it, but that was no big deal. Fuck those guys. Anyway, we kept doing robberies but eventually, I found that I was getting pretty bored of all that. You cannot imagine my disappointment when I pointed a gun at this young couple in a bank in the midwest and they just started to cry and I… well, I didn’t feel anything, Corin. I didn’t feel a thing. And it wasn’t just the numbing agents I had applied to my central nervous system. I was getting bored again. 

That’s when I quit the mob, Corin. I quit doing what they wanted me to do, and they sent guys after me. They were talking about honor and omerta and all that stuff so I had to kill a bunch of mobsters to get them to leave me alone long enough to disappear and reappear somewhere else. Killing mobsters ain’t that bad, though. You don’t feel bad anyway. You know all those guys have done worse. You can pretty much do whatever you want to ‘em and not feel a single pang of regret because you know what they’ve done. You’re really evening a score with the Universe. And it turns out I am just really, really fucking great at crime, Corin. Oh man, I could do crime all day and never get caught. I could crime up a fucking storm and somehow, no one would ever catch me. I guess until I got caught.

Anyway, that’s when I got into kidnapping. If you thought robbery was a rush, Corin, kidnapping is some next level shit. Stealing a human being? It’s insane. Again, they have no idea what you’re going to do, and neither do you. I wouldn’t rough ‘em up too bad, you know. I didn’t want anyone to think I was a monster. Or a creep. So it was all business. But you’d have this person just tied up and you’d have all these guns. And then you’d have to wait for sometimes days for the ransom to come through, and the entire time your brain was just on fire, and that feeling low down in your abdomen was just insane. There was nothing like it, Corin. Anyway, one time I kidnapped this CEO’s daughter. They did something with banking. I got a kick out of that, you know. I robbed his banks so many times and then I got to take something more precious to him. He was a bastard, you know, and he deserved it. His daughter not as much, but she had a rep for being kind of a shit anyway. I had her all duct taped and hogtied in the hideout. But it turned out one of my guys had flipped and gone to the feds. They were up my ass in no time at all. All the way up it. So far up my ass they could scratch my nose. I was arrested and put into this cell.

You see, Corin, this was always part of my plan. I figured I’d do crimes until I got caught, and then in prison, I’d have time for all the meditation and such. I’d be sure to find myself then. So I wasn’t too worried. I knew they couldn’t pin any murders on me, so the worst I’d get was life. What I got was a lot worse than that. The feds handed me over to the DarkMegaCIA. You see, Corin, I was really fucking great at crime. One of the best. I did so much crime. Anyway, they needed people with skills like mine, so instead of finding inner peace, I found myself in DarkMegaColombia. I had contacts you know, and the DarkMegaCIA, they wanted me to leverage that. They told me I could maybe have my freedom if I played along, but little did they know, I was just excited about the idea of international crimes. If you thought kidnapping was a thrill, Corin, you have got to try international crimes. I didn’t care about my contacts. I didn’t care about my allegiances. I just cared about wrecking shit and doing crimes. Corin, if you’ve never set an entire field of coca plants on fire just to get some information out of a farmer, then I’m not sure you’ve really lived. Shit was insane. I cannot describe the feeling deep inside. I made deals. I acquired drugs. I sold drugs to the DarkMegaCIA. I somehow came into possession of some fields of coca plants. I ended up being a cartel, Corin. A whole cartel by myself. I think I mentioned how great I am at crime already, but this surprised even me. 

But you know what the problem was, Corin? I still didn’t know who I was. Sure I was a great criminal, but was that it? Did my deeds really define me? I was doing all of them to find myself. This was just me doing the work, you know? Anyway, I was still feeling hollow inside. I mentioned that to my handler. He seemed surprised to see me because I had given him the slip when I started the cartel. I still felt like I owed him something though. I told him I was bored. I told him I was not feeling this whole drug thing anymore. He was a real sick son of a bitch, though, Corin. Just a real bastard. Just a real fucker. Sick down to his core. Disgusting monster freak. And he saw the same in me. He told me I could leave DarkMegaColumbia because I was needed elsewhere anyway.

That’s how I ended up in the Middle East. DarkMegaIran. They knew I knew drugs, but they also knew I knew guns. Before I knew it I was rubbing elbows with all these warlords. I could get them what they needed with the help of my handler. Shit, I didn’t even need my handler. I could get guns in and out of any country on the planet with next to no trouble. My contacts were that great. And I knew a bunch of real sick fucks who would sneak over any border, bribe any guard, kill anyone who got in the way. We partied, Corin. We partied really hard. Corin, if you thought international crimes were a rush, then destabilizing countries is just going to knock your socks off. It was unbelievable. But you know, I kept it all about business. And also about finding myself. I wanted to find myself through business. And I mighta messed up a few countries. But I would never have done any of this stuff if my handler hadn’t asked, you know? I wasn’t that much of a freak. I enjoyed what I did, sure, but it wasn’t my idea, you know? Anyway, I did that for a while. A few of those warlords, man, they were up to some real bad shit. I mighta taken one of ‘em out. And then I had to run. Had to get away from the DarkMegaCIA, which is how I wound up defecting to the DarkMegaUSSR. 

They weren’t anything like their former selves, you know. Everything was falling apart over there. They were losing territory. It was a bad time to defect. I helped them fuck some things up in a few places, but they wanted me back in the Middle East, so I defected back. Of course, when you’ve defected twice, no one trusts you much, but I had my special skills to fall back on, so I lived pretty comfortably.

I still didn’t know who I was, so I started to party again. Maybe this time I’d find myself. Or maybe the drugs would get me sloppy and I’d end up getting caught. I’d had my face changed three or four times. Fingerprints overwritten. This was before DNA was a big thing in law enforcement, but I saw that coming too. That’s when this guy I was partying with told me had an idea for me. That man was your grandfather. Corin Deeth. The first, I guess, though we didn’t call him that at the time. He said he was a fan of my work. I had no idea what that meant, but people used to say shit like that to me all the time. They would say the worst things to try to get closer to my drugs. But this cat, he didn’t want my drugs. He gave me other drugs. His own stash, and nothing I had done before even came close. 

He knew that I had the DarkMegaCIA on my tail, and the feds, and several world governments, and the mob, and maybe even The Hague, and he knew that I was still looking for myself. He told me he could find me. He told me he could help me to know exactly who I was. And that was to become him. 

He wasn’t looking to slip out of his life or anything like that, but he said that they were having a hard time finding a replacement for him if anything were to ever go wrong, and some experiment had recently failed, and with my skills, I was a great candidate. A solution to their problems. All I needed was an identity. And he had one I could share. That’s pretty much when they started to mindfuck me, Corin. They did a whole metal gear on my old noggin. I followed your grandfather around. I learned his mannerisms. I learned his backstory. I think at one time I knew more about your grandfather than anyone living. Maybe even more than him sometimes. In a few years, I was Corin Deeth. Not the first, but also not the second. I was his understudy, not his successor. That was very clear. They joked about me being one and a half, but I didn’t know how these things worked, and I started to run with it. I thought I was like Corin Deeth once removed or something like that. I guess I never really knew much about family. Did I forget to mention I was an orphan, Corin? I think I did. And I forgot to mention all my playground crimes. Stealing candy from babies. That sort of thing.  Oh well, I guess it doesn’t really matter. 

Your grandfather and I did so many drugs together. A ton of DarkMegaLSD was apparently critical for this whole process, and I did some too. It softened the lobes, is what he told me. 

I forgot all about old Mervin– I mean Stu. I forgot about old Stu entirely. I had always been Corin Deeth. I had his memories. I had his life. I knew that he existed, but somehow that didn’t confuse me. It made perfect sense that there were two of us. It made perfect sense. For a long time.

At some point, you came around, and your grandfather started to leave notes for you for when you eventually took things over. I thought I should do the same because I was your grandfather, too. Well, your grand uncle. Sort of. So I left you a bunch of notes. One of the archive people once told me that I left you more notes than your grandfather did. So even though I’m coming clean right now about everything, there’s a chance you’ll still hear from me. From him. From Corin Deeth the one and a halfth. You’ll hear from him. I guess I’m sorry about that, but in the grand scheme of things I should be sorry for, that ain’t one I’m worried about. 

Anyway, with you around, there was a lot less need for me, so eventually the “experiment” as they called it came to an end and I was cut loose to fend for myself against everyone I had wronged, which at that point was basically everyone on the planet. They did some deprogramming on me, and as soon as I knew I wasn’t Corin Deeth anymore, they let me go. The trouble was, Corin, that I really liked it. I liked knowing who I was. I liked being Corin Deeth. I knew that I needed to find that within myself again. That’s when I decided I didn’t have to wait until prison to really find myself. I could find myself now. I got involved with MegaBuddha. I was a monk for a while, which helped to clear the remaining mindfuckery out of the old noggin. They told me I had the worst karma they had ever seen. I got clean. I donated all of my money, even the stuff overseas. I live a quiet life now, Corin. I live where no one can find me. Except for your company, I guess. They promised not to tell. They told me not to bother burning this location because they’ll just find me again and they weren’t about to tell on me. 

I hope that I’ve satisfied your curiosity, Corin. I have to ask you to leave me alone now. Don’t come looking for me again. Don’t talk to me. Let me live out what I’ve got left in peace. I am at peace, Corin. Truly. For the only time in my life. I need you to respect that, Corin. Please.

Okay, take care. I know that I’m not Corin Deeth the one and a halfth or any other number, but I cared about you once like he did. Really, take care of yourself. For me. Goodbye, Corin.

CDIII: Okay, so I would say that my curiosity is pretty well satisfied, but I am concerned about all of the recordings I have yet to receive. Let’s get to some other news quickly.

The Division of Suspicious Ponytails brought Darren in for questioning. We are unsure what they have discovered.

The Division of Erotic Experiences continues their work on the Satisficer, opting to give it up to three appendages, a minimum to satisfy certain needs. Work on the Nocturnal Emitter is still in the early stages.

Meredith Gorgoro, the overseer in our Hell labor camp, submitted a report on what she’s been doing lately. Apparently that’s a thing we can ask her to do, and she will apparently comply. We just assumed that she respected no authority with that massive monster arm. Anyway, she is unsure what the glowing rocks are, but she “thinks they’re neat, and they make nice sculptures, in case you were wondering.” I feel like there’s some passive aggressiveness in there.

The Division of Kaiju Battle Reenactment is preparing something special for Halloween, but they are keeping it a secret for now. 

I keep having dreams about the Starry Place. When I mentioned this to a member of my staff, she said, “Yep, that’s how it starts.” She would not elaborate. 

The Division of Figuring Out What All of These Keys Go to opened the door that was behind all of the crates of calculator wristwatches. I did mention we needed to move that crate for a reason. Apparently it was another store room filled with failed products. I wonder how many of them we can fit radios inside. I know the Division of Radio Transmission is up for the challenge.

It is time for another employee spotlight. Apparently this time we are spotlighting Gale Quist for being radical and super cool. Apparently she really motivates her coworkers. The information in front of me does not specify her job or even a division that she works for. She’s just really cool. Okay. Thank you, Gale.

They say that Evil once introduced spanking into sex, and the rest is history. This is Things We’re Taking Credit for Now. Today we’re taking credit for The Interactive Internet, Online Shopping, and all of this fucking cardboard. If you don’t think we did that, then just deal with it, I guess. 

Your Pet has won today’s Ruin-A-Life Drawing. I can’t tell if that’s first name last name, or if it’s some sort of nickname, or if they mean to imply that your pet, whatever sort of pet you have, shareholders, has won. I think we have identified a person attached to this name, whether they wanted us to or not, but it will be for the Damnation and Ruination Squad to decide how to proceed. As a result of this win, your pet’s nemesis will encounter some sort of life ruining event. That nemesis is Detective Jack Kloose. Not sure why the job title was necessary. Maybe this person’s first name is actually Detective. Anyway, we spun the Wheel of Misery and it landed on the space for Inharmonious. From this day forward, Detective Jack Kloose will be 13% more inharmonious, which is probably enough for things to get really out of hand. For Evil measure, your pet will be 3% more harmonious. Perhaps they will notice the difference, and perhaps not. Perhaps we now wish that this was happening to our personal pets. Congratulations on the win and best of luck.

The Damnation and Ruination Squad, the team responsible for making the life-ruining declarations of the Wheel of Misery come true, are currently wearing frog costumes. Like cartoon frog costumes. I don’t know where they found all of them, though I do know that their wardrobe budget is pretty high. I have to sign off on it, and really I can’t argue with their results, so I always do. I cannot imagine being descended upon by a bunch of frogs looking to ruin my life. 

This brings us to the end of today’s broadcast. What’s that, Soundman? There is a tape. Oh boy. Well, let’s hear it.

CD 1.5: Hey, Corin, it’s your granduncle Corin Deeth the One and a Halfth. I just made this quick little recording to let you know that I heard you heard from Stu. You can’t trust that guy, Corin. He’s a liar. Nothing he says is ever true. He probably gave you some sob story about a life of crime and finding meaning in Kakos Industries. He probably told you that I’m not real. It’s all bullshit, Corin. I’m as real as ever, baby. Corin Deeth the One and a Halfth is alive and well. Unless I died mysteriously. Hey, let me give you some advice while I’ve got you here. Corin, if you ever have to kill your own clone, just do it. Don’t think about it. You’re the real one. They don’t need to exist. I was just thinking about that the other day. Okay. Smooches. Talk to you soon, kiddo. Even though I died mysteriously. I’m real, mother fuckers!

CDIII: Soundman, let’s just end the broadcast before I have to think about this. The batteries in those wristwatches are probably nearly dead, and if not, they will be soon. If you’re thinking you might be getting into the calculator wristwatch lifestyle, you’re not. Let it go. Let it go. The numbers are next.

33

33

33

33

34

35

33

5

55

6

4

0

0

BRIAUNA: Kakos Industries is written and produced by Conrad Miszuk, who is also the voice of Corin Deeth, and the composer of the music. The introductions are read by Ryan Jenkins, and the credits are read by Briauna Kittle,  a psychic fondue.

Special Guest appearance in this episode by Oliver Morris. You can hear more of his terrible voice on Kane and Feels.

Please visit KakosIndustries.com for news, extras, and more episodes. There are also transcriptions on the website if you’d like to read along with the Kakos Industries announcements. That’s K-A-K-O-S-I-N-D-U-S-T-R-I-E-S dot com. Please visit store.KakosIndustries.com for merchandise and special offers and get wonderful benefits by becoming a subscription donor at kakosindustries.com/patreon. You can submit one time donations at paypal.me/kakosindustries. You can also purchase gear and other items for the production at kakosindustries.com/wishlist. Join our community at kakosindustries.com/discord. Questions, comments, or a strong desire to collaborate? Drop us a line at inquiries@kakosindustries.com. If you like Kakos Industries, be sure to rate and review us on your favorite podcasting service, and connect with us on YouTube (YouTube.com/KakosIndustries), Facebook (facebook.com/kakosindustries), Tumblr (kakosindustries.tumblr.com), Instagram (@kakosindustries), tik tok @Kakosindustries. We encourage fan art and listener participation on all our social media platforms. 

Special thanks to our esteemed shareholders, Jack Tooley, and Diontrey. Also thanks to honored employees Calico, who set up all the cans and Anastasia K who knocked them all down for clout. The Division of Beanies, Booties, and Construction Projects That Are Probably Too Large for Yarn, directed by Theo Cornet, has started to knit scarecrows for the new gardens We are unsure if scarecrows are helpful for gardens, but they are menacing for sure. The Division of Obscure Vintage Technology, directed by Craig Czyz, has purchased an Evil microphone. Whatever you say into it sounds a lot more Evil on the recording. The Division of Subtle Efficiency Increases, directed by Danniel R Smith, has lubed up all the keyboards.  The Division of Saying It the Long Way, directed by Dino Schroeder, has been working on a form of storytelling that features long interludes of throat singing. The Division of Kakos Kafeteria Reviews, directed by Seth and Josh, has reviewed Plant. “Everything is made from a single plant called plant, and no they will not tell you what it is. 11/12”. The Division of Improbable Cookbooks, directed by Hayden Neff, has been working on “Ugly Meals”. Apparently everything tastes pretty okay, but the presentation borders on performance art.   The Division of More Monday Mondays, directed by Odie, has made Mondays that much more Monday by removing an hour from Monday and giving it to Wednesday. The Division of Villainous Introspection, directed by Sarah, has been journaling extensively about what textures make them feel the most Evil. They are now thinking the texture of those weird white abrasive sponges is the worst.  The Division of New Card Game Mechanics, led by Finn, has developed a card that doubles as a cigar cutter, and you’d better have a cigar ready to go or else. The Division of Even Weirder bugs, directed by Franco El Terrible, has discovered a bug that tastes like chocolate covered raisins. The Division of Animal Stacking, directed by The One True Dave, has stacked 348 sardines. Some of them were in cans, but not all of them. The Division of Unwanted Board Game Expansions directed by Kevin Rowland has created an expansion set that introduces an anime revenge system. The Division of Post Apocalyptic Delivery directed by Cave Hill, King Kill of the Murder Valley in the Mountains delivered the DIY nuclear bomb kit to the eleventh grade class. The Division of Prospective Exoplanet Tourism, directed by Victoria Wood, has started working on a pamphlet for Boogulon Excelsius. “There ain’t no taxes on ol’ Boogulon Excelsius, and there ain’t no laws about fuckin’ robots”. The Division of In-Office Fan Fiction, directed by Kristina Kirkland, has started to write a steamy correspondence series about Corin Deeth the Third and his alter ego the Thirdler. Our esteemed shareholders, honored employees, division heads, and other Patreon patrons are the best. If you want a thank you in the credits, your own division, or other great rewards that help to keep this show running, please head to Kakosindustries.com/patreon. That’s Patreon: p-a-t-r-e-o-n.

Kakos industries can be dark, but maybe it’s also glow in the dark?

Ryan: I was like, yeah, Freakin’ audio gravy. It’s in my ear! It’s in my mouth now. I can taste it.