In which Corin makes some drastic decisions, the Little Ones are about to ascend, Kimmie struggles to explain what the Matmos is after, and Briggs Kennedy “wins” the Ruin-A-Life Drawing. 

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Ryan:  What you are about to hear is nothing but the cold hard facts with a few warm lies to spice things up.

Hello, and welcome to the Kakos Industries corporate shareholder announcements. At Kakos industries we help our clients to Do Evil Better. My name is Corin Deeth III and I am CEO here at Kakos Industries. Shareholders, last time we got a closer glimpse at what we call Monster Kakos. It’s also what the people who live and work there call it, which seems a bit unintuitive. Junior, Soundman, Brosephus, and I went down there to experience a festival that I will save all of us the embarrassment of hearing me try to pronounce. One of the key features of this event was the burning of the Corin Deeth effigy. I did not love that part and I have been discussing with Junior if there are any ways we can do any outreach or check in on past injustices to see if there might be a way to face these difficulties head on. The trouble seems to be that Junior thinks it’s hysterical to watch effigies of me burn, and he doesn’t seem to believe that there are any lasting issues. So for now, I may be forced to let sleeping dogs lie. 

Kimmie also returned, which was a huge relief to a just unbelievable proportion of our staff. For whatever reason, she is a figure head that they deeply respect and look out for. As you may remember, she went down to the Matmos to commune with it, and she has since returned, becoming an additional liaison of mine to the Matmos. While I can say that she has been more forthcoming with her answers to my questions, I cannot say that all of the answers make that much sense. It seems that the Matmos deals largely in thought and concepts that we just don’t have words for. There end up being a lot of approximations, like the word “donut”, for example. I know what the word donut means. I understand what a donut is. One can assume that I have seen and perhaps even consumed a donut. But when they describe the ongoing conflict between Kakos Industries and the Matmos as donut-like, I am a bit confused to say the least. We have our lexicographers on the task. We have our linguists on the task. We have young people who know all the slang on the task. Yet we are unable to resolve this issue. Kimmie is doing her best, but I can see how difficult it is to try to encapsulate the root issues when the words may simply not exist. It is true that my two other liaisons, Clarissa and Hedera, have resisted telling me anything at all, which we now understand may not be simply laziness, but just a consequence of the difficulty of the situation. I, of course, have more to get into, which you may already be expecting if you are up to date on news from the building, but I shall get to that in a moment. 

Today’s broadcast is coming to you from a single wireless earbud. You are currently missing a single wireless earbud, but this is not yours. We took it from someone else and then turned it into a radio. At the designated time, you put the earbud into your ear and these announcements began. I am told that despite the fact that it is a single earbud inserted into only one of your ears, the sound is still in stereo, and relatively high quality with an impressive amount of bass for such a small driver. Do not concern yourself with the physics of this achievement. This is definitely one of those branches of science that the less you know about, the better. This radio comes to us from a collaboration between our Division of Shound, which is a lot like sound, but also different, and Gerwin’s 100% Fenced Merchandise. At Gerwin’s, you can be sure that whatever you are purchasing came at the expense of someone else. I should remind you that these announcements are strictly for Kakos Industries shareholders. If you are not a Kakos Industries shareholder, then there is some chance that you did Evil to come into possession, and eventually use of this earbud, whether it was through outright theft, or some minor act of bullying. That Evil behavior would ordinarily protect you from whatever threats I’m about to make by making you an official shareholder. In this case, however, we have decided that you have done Evil to the Evil, which is neutral at best, and as such, you are a dick, and you should probably give that earbud back to the shareholder or we will give Gerwin’s skilled burglars your name and address and tell them to go nuts. No amount of booby traps or personal firearms will prevent the losses, and that’s a Gerwin Guarantee. We might even leave behind some of the fucking cats from the Division of Cats in your home, which will extra suck. You have been warned.

We still have reports coming in from some of you that you are seeing these announcements. I have it on some authority that some of you are experienced hallucinators, and that this is somehow different. Well, I cannot say exactly what is happening, but be sure to head to KakosIndustries.com/see to help us get to the bottom of this mystery. 

We are once again answering some of your questions about Kakos Industries in this as of yet unnamed segment. The first question that we received was about any other four-legged employees at Kakos Industries besides Mr. Sniffs, our Chief Compliance Officer. This partly depends on your definition of “leg”. Certainly we have employees that get around on all fours, but I assume that you are intending for me to talk about any animals that are commonly pets. We do have several guinea pigs on staff. They are part of an emergency response team responding to any sort of emergency where handling a guinea pig might solve the problem, which is more common than you might expect. I think we have a variety of service animals as well as some trained animals, such as horses and dogs, to do certain tasks that humans just aren’t that great at. We also have a handful of otters on the payroll, but I don’t think anyone knows why. Then, of course, there’s cat boy. Cat boy is an abomination that we made one time by accidentally scrambling a cat and a young man. There were two creatures that came from this accidental scrambling, One was all of the best qualities of cat and boy. The other was all of the worst. Unfortunately the catboy made from the best parts quickly expired. The catboy made from the worst parts has been going strong for over a decade now despite hating everyone and everything, especially the Division of Cats. We all prefer not to think about catboy, and that includes catboy himself. 

The second question I have here is about Grace Rule. Grace Rule is our contracts master, which is a totally real job description, at least here at Kakos Industries. She makes sure that we are in compliance with all of our legal obligations, and makes sure that all of those who are obligated to us are performing their necessary duties. Apart from that, it’s difficult to describe Grace. She is larger than you think she is, even when you’re looking directly at her. She has a relationship with the Matmos, though I do not believe that she has any Matmos in her. She has a different kind of slime on her skin, and it is caustic. Some people have tried to lick said slime in the hopes that it might get them high, but this has not been the case. At best, they lose their sense of taste for a few weeks. At worst, Grace pounds them into a fine paste. While she definitely has some beastly characteristics, she is not a monster. She is an upstanding member of our team and more reliable than anyone else I know. Beyond that, I’m not exactly sure. I don’t know where she came from. She tends to find questions like that to be off-topic, and she will ignore them. I am told that there is another like her somewhere in the company, but I have also been told that I will likely never see her, and neither will you, and that’s probably for the best. 

The third question I have here is about the man with the long long hat again. A lot of you want to know how to answer his riddle. I do not know who you are talking about. I do not even know what the riddle is. I understand the urgency of your tone, but I am afraid I cannot help you. 

The Festival of Innovation recently occurred. The theme was Robot Prom. As you might expect, there were a lot of enormous robots dressed in their finest. And then all the robots started fucking, and really, we should probably just stop doing this festival. It’s not really serving us anymore is it? You don’t really want a play by play from me about what the robots did to each other. You don’t want to hear about the creative innovations that have gone into what sex could look like for robots. You certainly don’t want to hear the slamming metal and buzzing motors that went along with it. I think I will leave it there, and you can correct me if I’m wrong. 

We recently had Evil Con as well. We had some really exciting announcements for those of you who waited in line for up to a day and half in some cases. In the next year or so, we’re doing more with saw blades and spike pits. They’re back in, baby. We’re also working on a drug that makes you much much sexier, while completely emptying your head. This is a radical personality change, one might even call it the death of your personality, but we are told that some people are ready to make that bargain. 

We also unveiled some exciting new doomsday machines that you will have the opportunity to invest in. You see, it’s expensive to own your own doomsday device, and then you have to wonder if it’s worth it to set it off, knowing that your entire investment will be wasted in the process. But getting the chance to own a piece of a doomsday device through a new financial product we’ve unveiled, that’s different. You don’t have to go through the trouble of maintaining and housing the doomsday device. We take care of that. But you get to own a piece of it, and every year, along with all of the other owners, you get to vote on whether to set it off, ending everything once and for all. If this sounds like an exciting opportunity for you, then talk to your financial advisor about doomsday weapons.

Coming up, we have the Festival of Self Love. Many of our festivals are held in big spaces where we can bring people together, but this festival is really better celebrated on your own, wherever you can find isolation and the time to take care of your needs. We will be monitoring you in a sense, and we will also be letting everyone else know exactly when you reach completion, so just keep that in mind. 

I would like to address the big news of the last month, but first, I think it would be better for us to have some context. Soundman, would you mind playing the tape?

CDI: Hey, Corin. It’s your grandfather. Some of these recordings I’ve made, in hindsight, are kind of trivial when I really think about it. That being said, this one should be pretty important. It’s some important advice at the very least. Corin, I’ve spent a lot of time in my life avoiding my problems. In fact, I’ve still got a handful of problems left to avoid. A few of those I’m probably going to try to run out the clock on entirely, if I’m being honest. But some problems, Corin, you gotta just deal with ‘em. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. If the problem needs to be dealt with, you have to deal with it. And a lot of the time, you have to deal with it alone. There won’t be anyone there to help you. There won’t be anyone there to deal with it for you. You might have to break some rules. You might have to make some exceptions. When it comes down to it, you’re the one in charge, and there isn’t any other way than your way. No perfect way. No ideal way. Only the way you go. You’re probably getting this message when you’ve got something like that going on. I can’t actually imagine what. Maybe it’s the big feral rabbits again. Or maybe it’s something to do with the oatmeal pipes. Or maybe it’s a drug habit. One way or another you have to deal with it. As for me, I’ve put something off long enough myself. It’s time I see a man about a hat, and a riddle. Whatever you do, Corin, you have my full support and my full faith. You know that this place has a way of watching out for you. Take care of business, kiddo. 

CDIII: Okay, there was some of that in there that I don’t remember from my first listen. I’ve actually got quite a few questions now, but I will have to look into them after the announcements. 

I listened to that recording alone on the tape deck I had Soundman Steven set up for me in my apartment. He said he wasn’t sure what I meant, so he set up devices that can play back any strip of tape that might exist, including some proprietary formats that were only ever used for kids meal toys at fast food chains. Anyway, I listened, and I thought to myself, you know what, I do have some things I need to take care of. Kimmie tried her best to explain the Matmos situation, but it was clear that there was something she couldn’t quite describe, and the feeling of being a part of the Matmos is pretty distracting from what I can tell. Her relationship with Clarissa and Hedera changed almost instantly on her return, by the way. They have, like, friendship bracelets and stuff. I can’t tell if they’re dating, but I kind of hope they are. Otherwise the way they interact is a little much. No one is that close with their friends. At least I’m not like that with any of my friends. Well, maybe I was with Kimmie. Anyway, I had other Matmos-related concerns to deal with. I needed to do something. The people in the cloaks have been causing too much trouble, and the fear and panic around the Matmos has been driving down productivity. I was following the instructions I was given. I was letting all of the scientists do their best to get to the bottom of the problem. I was letting the proper mechanisms work, but they weren’t getting us anywhere. We were shocking people with electricity to try to communicate for fuck’s sake. All of that could be avoided if I took matters into my own hands. The woman who spoke for the Matmos when I visited the caves that time mentioned that I would have my trial, or my punishment, or whatever, for having Qurgurgurth killed. All of the work we were doing was trying to get me out of those consequences. Now, I know that Qurgurgurth sucked and deserved to die – The motherfucker ate me – but perhaps it was time for me to see what the consequences were. So, I picked up the bottle of Matmos I was given. I hadn’t actually touched it since I set it down the first time. I’m not the kind of person who likes to stare temptation down. When the glass touched my hand, I felt a warmth from it. The liquid leaned towards me in the glass. And I could feel it. I started to wonder how completely the Matmos had been removed from my system after all. I could feel the Matmos in the bottle. I had considered drinking it, but I didn’t need to. I could communicate… sort of. There was a connection. I started to wonder how long an amount of Matmos like this could be separate before it started to think on its own like the Princess and the other pools. What mattered at the time, though, was that this vial knew the way back.

I followed the instructions the vial gave me. I passed by Kimmie, Clarissa, and Hedera. The latter two screamed when they saw what was in my hand. It’s honestly laying it on a little too thick, if you ask me, but that’s what happened. Kimmie looked concerned, but I kept going. I followed the hallways and elevators and I eventually came to the tunnels where I needed to be. There was some familiarity about them. 

Eventually, I came to the large opening I had visited before. It was dimly lit and there was no one around. I wandered around long enough and eventually the old woman came out. Valeria, she said her name was once, though she no longer goes by it. 

“I didn’t hear you coming,” she said. I sort of shrugged. I don’t know how these things work. “Very well,” she said, “I’ll prepare them. Wait here.”

I wasn’t in the mood to take directions, so I wandered around a bit more. The vial led me to a cave formation where there was a separated pool of Matmos. There were bits of dried white flowers floating on its surface. One by one, the flowers would sink down. I assumed that someone would be by to replenish them. The vial seemed to indicate that this was the princess. It’s funny in hindsight to think about how I had imagined her. I figured she would be a different color, but she was just like the other Matmos. The cave formation just gave her a chance to differentiate. And to completely lose it. I didn’t want to think about all of the animal bones that might be sitting just at the bottom of this pool.

The woman formerly known as Valeria found me and brought me back to the main cave. Then we went through a different tunnel. This one led to an enormous space that was much dimmer. She brought me to a place where there was a marking on the ground. She told me to stand there. I looked up and I was just barely able to make out the ceiling of the cave, so I figured I was safe from falling pianos or anything of that nature. It felt like an hour that I waited, but then they showed up. Some of them appeared to just be glowing eyes. Some of them I could make out tusks or teeth. Some had arms like octopuses. These were the lords, the creatures that the Matmos had mutated and changed to be its vessels. They were enormous and I was confident that any one of them could crush me in a second. Beyond them a ways was the Matmos itself. It was the big pool, the vial told me, not one of the smaller pools. This pool was connected to almost all of the others. 

The lords regarded me for some time silently. I’m not sure if they actually had the power to speak. The cave grew much warmer and more humid in their presence. There was a smell, also. It wasn’t as bad as you might think, but there were definitely notes of sebaceous wet animal. I felt a small jolt from the vial and I knew what my sentence was.

I set the vial down and I took off all of my clothes. I walked to the edge of the Matmos and I dipped my toe in it. I had found myself floating in the Matmos hundreds of times in dreams, but I wasn’t sure exactly what it would feel like actually touching it. It was reminiscent of the feeling I had when I found myself in the heart years ago. It wasn’t cold. It was close to body temperature. And it wasn’t wet in the traditional sense. I didn’t feel as though I was getting soaked. If I pulled back, my skin was dry. Feeling it on my skin, I knew that I needed to go deeper, though. 

So I did.

I walked along the lake bottom as far as I could, but eventually, I had to put my head under. I held my breath, but I’m not sure I needed to. I never felt like I was going to run out of air. I’m not sure exactly how that worked, but it did. I was guided by the Matmos. I had to make slow progress, though, because I was not the only thing in the pool. I couldn’t see, of course, but I felt like I had a sense of what was in front of me. At one point, I felt what must have been an enormous ribcage of a long dead animal. I knew that I should have been afraid, but I wasn’t, or at least I wasn’t conscious of the fear. I had to put that away for the time being because there were things I needed to take care of. 

I kept swimming, deeper and deeper. The pressure on my ear drums told me I had gone down several atmospheres of pressure, and there was still no bottom beneath me. 

At another time, I felt something touch me. It was another living thing.. It felt like a tentacle perhaps. At another point I touched what must have been a huge canine tooth from something designed to tear flesh apart. The tooth pulled away and I felt a motion in that Matmos as though something huge had caused a disturbance. That part was pretty fucking frightening if I’m being honest. Somehow, I was able to take that as a sign that I should continue, however. I had to put the idea of what kind of monstrosity might live this deep in the Matmos out of my mind. I could imagine a gaping maw that I was swimming directly into. But the Matmos told me there was nothing of the sort. I knew that it could have been lying. It could have been numbing me up to devour me. But I think the Matmos knew that there would be a real war this time if anything of the like happened. It might be facing extinction if it actually harmed me. Or at least I broadcast those ideas. It never changed my course, though. It was much later that I started to dwell on what that big tooth could have belonged to and I am now confident I will have nightmares about that moment for the rest of my life.

Eventually, my hands touched the lake bottom as I swam. I righted myself to get my bearings, but I still couldn’t see anything. There was an urge for me to go just a little bit further in front of me. I swam close to the bottom, feeling the dirt sort of lift up around me as I swam. I felt pieces of bone and small shell-like things kick up around me. And then, I felt it.

I put my hands on a small boulder, or maybe a large stone. I could feel carvings on it. When I touched it, it felt like the Matmos around me retracted in pain. I was at my destination. I wrapped my arms around the stone and I started kicking back to the surface. My ears popped probably a dozen times. Whatever I was carrying, it wasn’t quite as heavy as maybe it should have been. It might have been some kind of porous sedimentary rock. All I knew was that the Matmos wanted it out. 

I finally breached the surface. I opened my eyes. There was no Matmos on my face. It was completely dark. A large arm of some kind scooped me up and put me on the ground with the stone. The Matmos as a whole seemed to bubble a sigh of relief. 

The old woman once known as Valeria approached me.

“What is it?” she asked. 

I shrugged.

“Well, your debt is paid, anyway,” she continued. 

I put my clothes back on, except my coat. I rolled the rock onto the coat.

“What are you doing?” the woman asked.

“This is mine,” I said. 

She seemed caught off guard, but she didn’t stop me. I used my coat to get a better grip on the stone and I carried it off. I should probably tell you that the rock wasn’t exactly perfectly round. It was… Well, it was kind of shaped like a donut. 

I don’t think the Matmos wanted me to take it. I also didn’t care. I just went through hell to get it, and it was mine. I think I hurt my back carrying it back up with me. Anyway, it’s somewhere safe now, along with the vial of Matmos. 

Clarissa and Hedera were not happy to see it. Kimmie just said, “donut, right?”

I took the rest of the day off. All of the hooded people have been leaving me alone, so that’s a small victory. Things have been different for sure. I have a feeling this saga isn’t quite over yet.

JUNIOR: Corin.

CORIN: Hey, Junior. What’s up?

JUNIOR: You have not responded to the invitation. 

CORIN: Which invitation was that?

JUNIOR: The ascension, Corin. The little ones. They are ascending. It has been determined that they are now prepared to begin their earliest studies. 

CORIN: So… they’re graduating from not being in school to being in school?

JUNIOR: You make it sound ridiculous, but it is not. It is a high honor. These little ones, Corin, they may not ever attend school in the way that we commonly think of school. They will be tutored. They will do their studies. They will learn and accomplish unspeakable things. And this process is beginning. It is a time to celebrate. 

CORIN: Put me down as a maybe?

JUNIOR: You will be there, Corin. 

CORIN: It’s just gonna be like, what, they walk across the stage or something? They’re not even going to remember if I was there, Junior. I’m sure I will have stuff to teach them as they get older.

JUNIOR: You will be there, Corin.

CORIN: Do they even know what’s happening? They’re still awfully small, Junior.

JUNIOR: Grace is making her famous cupcakes. 

CORIN: Alright. I guess I’m in.

JUNIOR: You will be there.

CORIN: Yeah, I’ll be there.

JUNIOR: Excellent. Ta for now. 

Right, so the Tabithas have been trying to throw a party for me and my heroic deeds removing the donut from the Matmos, but I keep not going to the parties. I know it’s going to be a sex thing. You know, they basically never flirt anymore. They never talk to me about my interests. It’s like straight to the sex. I don’t always need much, but come on. I’m not so busy that we have to skip the romance entirely.

The Division of Erotic Experiences has some updates on the Satisficer, that sex toy they are working on that is supposed to be able to satisfy literally anyone’s needs. I am told that they have been trying to incorporate even more niche interests into its capabilities along with submissive mode. The downside is that it is not great at knowing when to deploy those special techniques. I am told that they have recalled all of the devices for now because they will make fun of your junk whether you want them to or not. I think we all knew this was going to be a bumpy ride. 

The Division of Kaiju Battle Reenactment went all out on Volcanodon vs. Cloudulatrix. They made the backgrounds and all of the set pieces look like the paintings and sketches from when this battle took place. It really felt like they gave it the respect it deserved. Really, they are just getting better and better at their craft.

The Division of Figuring Out What All of These Keys Go to found a key that is actually a gun. It did open a hole in the wall, but not in the way that they usually like.

It is now time for another Employee Spotlight. Today we are spotlighting Gar Gnashley, Gnashley spelled with a G at the start. We are told that Gar will wrestle anyone or anything and probably win. This comes in handy more often than you might expect. Recently, Gar had to wrestle what was effectively a Minotaur. We made a Minotaur. I’m not sure why. Anyway, Gar got it under control fast. Thank you for all that you do, Gar.

I am told that we got a sample of the stones that the laborers in Hell were digging up. The scientists so far have determined that it is glowing rock. They are moving slowly in the analysis because it could be super dangerous. We are unsure as of right now. 

They say that Evil once created a new slang term out of an ancient curse and convinced everyone to use it. This is Things We’re Taking Credit for Now. Today, we’re taking credit for the unknown, the unknowable, and that feeling of constant fear you can’t seem to shake. Of course, we can’t know with absolute certainty that any of this is actually because of us, but we feel strongly about it, and we still have Gerwin’s burglars on the payroll for a little bit longer, so if you like your stuff, then maybe shut up, you know?

Briggs Kennedy has won today’s Ruin-A-Life Drawing. As a result, the life of Brigg’s nemesis will be ruined. That nemesis is Kyai [key-eye]. We gave the wheel of misery a hearty spin and it landed on the space for Horizontal. This one is a bit abstract, I know. Or perhaps it isn’t. From this day forward, Kyai will be 30% more horizontal, whatever that means. For Evil measure, Briggs Kennedy will be 13% less horizontal, for better or worse. Congratulations on the win, and best of luck. 

The Damnation and Ruination Squad, the team responsible for making the life-ruining declarations of the Wheel of Misery come true, are currently wearing extra long hoodies. They look pretty comfy, honestly. It’s a bit unnerving, actually. 

That brings us to the end of today’s broadcast. Put that earbud on the counter somewhere, and it will disappear on its own. It may make it back to its rightful owner, or it might not. As for that earbud you’re missing, we can only hope that you are reunited. The numbers are next. 

14

14

14

14

15

16

1,616

17

1,717

8

99

4

22

4

2

BRIAUNA: Kakos Industries is written and produced by Conrad Miszuk, who is also the voice of Corin Deeth, and the composer of the music. The introductions are read by Ryan Jenkins, and the credits are read by Briauna Kittle,  a hybrid between a lemon, a lime, and a watermelon.     

Please visit KakosIndustries.com for news, extras, and more episodes. There are also transcriptions on the website if you’d like to read along with the Kakos Industries announcements. That’s K-A-K-O-S-I-N-D-U-S-T-R-I-E-S dot com. Please visit store.KakosIndustries.com for merchandise and special offers and get wonderful benefits by becoming a subscription donor at kakosindustries.com/patreon. You can submit one time donations at paypal.me/kakosindustries. You can also purchase gear and other items for the production at kakosindustries.com/wishlist. Join our community at kakosindustries.com/discord. Questions, comments, or a strong desire to collaborate? Drop us a line at inquiries@kakosindustries.com. If you like Kakos Industries, be sure to rate and review us on your favorite podcasting service, and connect with us on YouTube (YouTube.com/KakosIndustries), Facebook (facebook.com/kakosindustries), Tumblr (kakosindustries.tumblr.com), Instagram (@kakosindustries), tik tok @Kakosindustries, and Twitter (@KakosIndustries). We encourage fan art and listener participation on all our social media platforms. 

Special thanks to our esteemed shareholders, Alfredo Ravioli, Jack Attack, and Diontrey. Also thanks to honored employees Calico, who chopped down the trees, Rocket who cut the lumber, and Anastasia K, who burned down the old cabin. The Division of Beanies, Booties, and Construction Projects That Are Probably Too Large for Yarn, directed by Theo Cornet, has started to knit some of the hanging planters that will make up the bulk of their new garden. The Division of Obscure Vintage Technology, directed by Craig Czyz, has purchased a tape deck that is so accurate that you can no longer argue that tapes ever sounded great. The Division of Subtle Efficiency Increases, directed by Danniel R Smith, has instituted quiet hours where no one can speak or hold meetings  The Division of Saying It the Long Way, directed by Dino Schroeder, has been workshopping an epic poem entitled “wait until the end”. The Division of Kakos Kafeteria Reviews, directed by Seth and Josh, has reviewed A Murder Most Fowl. “It’s mostly chicken, though they claim it’s crow. 6.8/10”. The Division of Improbable Cookbooks, directed by Hayden Neff, has been working on “The Most Calories You Can Fit Into a Single Spoon.” They have developed ways of fitting the most calories into a single bite.   The Division of More Monday Mondays, directed by Odie, has made Mondays that much more Monday by requiring half of the parking lot for a construction project. The Division of Villainous Introspection, directed by Sarah, has been journaling extensively about what color they think that Evil might be.  The Division of New Card Game Mechanics, led by Finn, has developed a card that has nothing on it, but the kind of nothing that makes you stop and just marvel. The Division of Even Weirder bugs, directed by Franco El Terrible, has discovered a bug that is ticklish. The Division of Animal Stacking, directed by The One True Dave, has stacked four pangolins. They were very polite about the request. The Division of Unwanted Board Game Expansions directed by Kevin Rowland has created an expansion set that requires you to stop what you are doing and compose a symphony based on your next move. The Division of Prospective Exoplanet Tourism, directed by Victoria Wood, has started working on a pamphlet for Beta Cetacii Nine. “The rocks are very, very cool if you’re into rocks”. The Division of In-Office Fan Fiction, directed by Kristina Kirkland, has started to write a romanticized take on what it’s like to work in the Division of Cats. It is zero percent factual. Our esteemed shareholders, honored employees, division heads, and other Patreon patrons are the best. If you want a thank you in the credits, your own division, or other great rewards that help to keep this show running, please head to Kakosindustries.com/patreon. That’s Patreon: p-a-t-r-e-o-n.

Kakos industries can be dark, maybe the answer is more bass.