Kickstarter Mini 0
Corin: Hello, Kakos Industries shareholders! My name is Corin Deeth III, and I am CEO here at Kakos Industries. Shareholders, I’m sending you this extra broadcast today on your extra broadcast receptacle to let you know that we are doing another round of crowdfunding on Kickstarter over at kakosindustries.com/kickstarter. You might be thinking to yourself, “but Corin! You’re an evil megacorporation! What could you possibly need our help for?” Well, shareholders, we’ve been looking at designing a variety of new evil t-shirts and other items for you to have in your home or on your body. Unfortunately, in the development process, we ran into some trouble regarding the executive board and their spending habits. I didn’t notice it until too late, but they seem to have siphoned funds from the development budget into other nefarious areas. So we’ve run a little short of where we need to be. We’ve negotiated with the rest of the board, asking them to cut their salaries or reduce their bonuses, but they’ve opted to kick and scream and cry like demonic babies. So we have no choice but to begin a crowdfunding campaign to cover the deficit. Just how much is this deficit? Well, one pledge for one shirt should cover it for now. That’s one damn shirt, at around $25. That’s based on our current estimates, and the rest of the board has a certain talent for racking up expenses that we don’t hear about right away. In exchange for your help getting out of this hole, we’re offering you first crack at all of this new and amazing apparel with free shipping in the United States. We’ve got the classic Kakos Industries Do Evil Better t-shirt. We’ve got the Harlots Unicycle Derby and Synth-Aesthesia tees you already love. And we’ve got a whole run of new designs, including a certain fan club, a logo for Giant-Ass Robots, a shirt commemorating your involvement in the shareholders’ brawl, a shirt for everyone’s favorite additional orifice, and a shirt for the Division of Whaling and Wailing. All of these designs are of the evilest caliber, and they may even protect you from some upcoming evil nastiness we have planned. As a special bonus, each pledge for a shirt or shirts will come with a certificate. One lucky shareholder will receive a certificate of authenticity, commemorating the fact that their pledge went for The Shirt that put us back in the black. The rest of you will receive a Certificate of Inauthenticity, showing that you pledged for a shirt, but it was not The Shirt that put us over the edge. Then there’s the Certificate of Ineligibility, which is for people who don’t get shirts, and the certificate of intangibility for those of you who don’t pledge for physical things. Each of those physical certificates is autographed by me, and witnessed by our scapegoat. Then we’ve also got hoodies, posters, shareholder certificates showing that you have real shares in Kakos Industries’ Evil, and we might even have some surprises in store to reward you for your commitment to Evil. And if you fail to pledge the funds we need, we’ll be punishing our official scapegoat for your shortcomings. You can view the official Kickstarter video on the kickstarter page to listen to him grovel. Please head to KakosIndustries.com/kickstarter to be redirected to the campaign. Do Evil Better.